Life experience

Home is where the heart is. This statement resonates with me seeing that I have not been home for a year now. I miss my safety net, my comfort zone, my family and friends and my society. Although sometimes my people can act very crazy, it was a familiar kind of craziness that I have grown to be accustomed to. It is dysfunctional, but I could live with that. I still remember how "macho" I was when I left Malaysia in 2015. I told my parents "I would not feel homesick, I won't feel the need to come home ect". Oh well, that machoness slaps me in the face....... HARD. It started with the food, then the weather, the demographic and finally the culture. Who knew Australians are generally more f-ed up than Malaysians..... at least in my opinion. I used to hate our culture which restricts people from "having freedom" as when I was young, freedom is perceived as "I do what I want, I say what I want". However, as I grew up, I realised that kind of freedom is not constructive. I learnt that every action that I've made comes with consequences. I need to think thoroughly before I say a word or show an expression. The need to control myself is ever stronger since I am a scholarship holder, an image for my company and a reflection of my country. I get all the nice benefits of being on sponsorship, but it comes with a price. The price of my so-called freedom. Whenever I want to make a reckless decision, I have to stop and think twice five times before committing to that decision. My life isn't just about myself anymore; it has more people in it. That means, one decision that I have made could potentially affect others. Talk about collateral damages. I don't regret my situation, in fact, I feel that this predicament has forced me to look beyond myself; a learning process that is very much needed in my life.
Enough of rumblings, that's all for today. I am turning 21 very soon, and home is calling. Real food, wait for me, I will be back in 7 days.